It was getting late.  Julie had said eight o’clock.  She was always so punctual.  I checked the phone but there was no text message. My feet were stuck to the spot with the cold.  A few more busses went past, and still no sign of her.  I tried her phone again, but it just went to voicemail.  I decided to get the bus home.  Maybe she couldn’t get a babysitter.  Maybe she ran out of credit.  I was starting to worry now.  Things at home had been turbulent for her these past months.  Sitting on the bus, my mind spun from one scenario to another.  It was too late and too far to call to her house.  I had a very bad feeling this time.

Julie had started work in the Superstore the same time as I did.  We both stocked shelves for a while, and walked to the bus stop together when the shift was finished.  It suited me as my daughter had started school, and my mother collected her each afternoon.  Derek, my husband, was a travelling salesman and spent a lot of time on the road, so it suited me to get out of the house.  It was a nice change to earn a few bob of my own. My daughter, Amy, loved her grandmother.  Julie didn’t talk about home much in the beginning.  She did show me a photo of her son Jake, with such a smile on her face I knew he was her pride and joy. Jake was not her husband’s child, but it had never been a problem when they started going out together.

As the months passed Julie opened up a bit.  Her whole face changed when she smiled, and had the heartiest laugh when she allowed herself to.  I often saw what I thought was a faraway look in her eyes.  I wouldn’t dream of prying into her business, but decided there was more to Julie than appeared on the surface.  I had my fill of nosey people in the past when Amy was born, and could sense people doing the sums when we eventually got married and Amy was born.  Derek and I were happy regardless of the small flat we lived in, and the fact that Amy was born a few months after our wedding.  The dress hid everything on the day.  I was in love and didn’t care what people thought anyway. We had a small reception of family and friends and went to the coast for the weekend.  Derek promised me a real holiday in the sun when we could afford it, to make up for the penny-pinching honeymoon.  We had a lot of expenses ahead with the coming baby and that was enough for me. Our baby was welcomed like a princess and we fell in love with her on sight. She was going to be fair, like Derek, and had the palest blue eyes, like the sky on a summer’s day. There was no spare cash to throw around, and my once-a-week visit to the hair salon fell by the wayside.  My mother was always careful about her appearance when I was a child, and sometimes gave out to me when my dark brown hair was pulled back with an elastic band, in need of a wash.  “No effort made to take care of your appearance” she would say.  She must have a short memory of how much time a baby takes.  If she cared that much, why didn’t she offer to babysit and treat me to a day of pampering?  It was only when Amy got to about two years old that she started to really take an interest, and Amy knew she had an audience.

I tried Julie’s phone when I got home, and checked to see if she had left a message.  Nothing.  It was so unlike her, but there was nothing further I could do until tomorrow.  Derek was going to be working down the country for a few days.  I spoke to him of my concern for Julie.  There was still no answer from her.  “It could be anything.  Probably not as bad as you think, Bernie”, he said as he grabbed a piece of toast and gulped down the last of his coffee. His tall frame bent down towards me, hand on my shoulder. “I’ll ring you tonight and you can tell me what’s going on”.  With that, briefcase in his hand and his overcoat over his arm, he kissed me, then Amy, and he was gone.  Amy wasn’t co-operating as I tried to persuade her away from the television.  Kids seem to sense when you have something on your mind.  “I’ll take you to the park after Grannies, Amy”.  It worked.  Soon she was dressed, lunch in her back-pack and some fruit.  Her smile had returned and it made my heart lighter.  It was a short walk to the school, and once she joined her little friends and saw her teacher ferrying them into class, Amy was in her element, with hardly a backward glance.

I didn’t have to wait long for a bus.  The shop was bustling when I arrived.  Before I took my place at the cash desk, I looked around for Julie.  Her coat wasn’t where she usually left it, near the door, and after scanning the area, there was no sign of her.  I looked around for the Manager.  Mr. McDonald was middle aged and a big bulk of a man, but fair in his dealings with staff.  I went straight to his office, knocking before he waved me in.  “What can I do for you Mrs. Baker? He asked.  I hesitated for a moment, then said “I can’t see Julie Barnes, Mr. McDonald.  Did she ring in this morning?”  “I shouldn’t discuss staff with you Mrs. Barnes, but I know you and her are friends.  She’s indisposed.  Had to bring her son to the doctor”.  “Oh!” I said,” thank you Mr. McDonald”.

The morning went by at a snail’s pace.  At break I tried to phone Julie again, but still got voicemail.  My mind was racing.  I’d ring my mother and tell her something had come up and I’d be a bit late collecting Amy. If I got a taxi to Julie’s house, I should be back to collect Amy by six thirty at the latest.  The taxi was slow getting through the build-up of rush hour traffic, but left me off by five thirty.  Julie lived in the third house down, by the lamp post.  After ringing the bell a few times, I got no response.  I’ll try her neighbour’s house.  A teenager came to the door.  “Ya” she said (no manners there!).  “Is your mother in? I’d like a word please”.  Miss Teenager disappeared down the hall.  The television was on and I could hear the jingle of ads.  A small, woman, probably in her late fifties, came to the door.  I was expecting a hostile reception like the daughter, but this woman looked more amenable.  “I was looking for Julie Barnes” I said.  Before I got another word in, I was told “ah, poor woman, her son fell down the stairs last night.  He was rushed to the local hospital.  Havn’t seen her since.  Lovely child too”.  “Was her husband around at the time?” I asked.  “That fella.  She could do better than him”.  She paused for a moment, then said “who’s asking anyway.  Can I take a message for Julie?”  I smiled at the woman with the gentle voice, and said “I’m sorry.  My name is Bernie Baker.  I work with Julie.  We’ve been friends for ages”.  I wasn’t sure what to say next.  “You could tell her I called, and to phone me when she can.  She has my number”.  With that, I thanked her and closed the gate behind me.

In the taxi back, my mind was in turmoil.  If Derek was here, he’d say “no point in projecting until you know what’s happened”.  Easy for him to say.  It was close to seven o’clock when I got to my mother’s house, and I could see by her expression that she was none too pleased at my delay.  I didn’t want to go into the whole thing with her, so made some excuse about an emergency at work.  Amy had her coat on, back pack by her side, ready to go.  “I hope you get paid for overtime” she said, as she waved us off.

When I got Amy to bed that evening, I phoned the hospital, asking about Jake Barnes.  “Are you a relative?”.  I wasn’t quick enough and started waffling.  “I’m sorry, we can’t give out any information about a patient” I was told.  “I’ll have to go to the house again tomorrow”, I thought.

When I arrived at Julie’s door the following day, Julie was edgy and it took a few minutes before she asked me into the house.  “Mrs. O’Shea told me you called”, Julie said, taking my coat and walking ahead of me into the kitchen.  “Sorry about not meeting you”.  At first there was no explanation offered. I watched Julie go to the sink and fill the kettle.  She put cups on the table in silence.  I thought I could see bruising on her neck, but it could be a shadow.  Her eyes were puffy and her skin the colour of chalk.  Her blond hair looked lank and unkept. The tea was poured and we sat opposite each other in silence.  “Sugar?” Julie offered.  After the awkwardness passed, Julie skirted around Jake being in hospital.  “I’m leaving him Bernie.  I have to” she finally said.

Julie and Andrew had been arguing the night of the accident.  Andrew, who was out of work for a while, was looking for money from her.  He already had a few drinks on him, having spent the afternoon in the pub.  At one stage, he had Julie pinned up against the wall, his hands around her neck.  Little Jake tried to get between them, and Julie yelled at him to go upstairs.  Suddenly, there was a thud, then another.  Julie screamed and Andrew let her go.  Jake was lying at the bottom of the stairs.  An ambulance came and before she knew it, Julie and Jake were in the back, sirens blaring, on their way to the hospital.  She was told it might be a fractured skull, and Jake would be kept in overnight.  The doctor said she could stay with him.  If she expected sympathy, it was guilt she experienced.  It had gone out of her head completely that she was to meet Bernie in town.  Even if she had, her mobile was at home.  As dawn appeared, she lifted her head to look at Jake.  He was sleeping and his breathing was even.  She prayed as hard as she ever prayed that he would be alright.  There was a resolve creeping into her thoughts.  “This will never happen again”.

With Derek away for a few days, Julie took Jake and whatever she could carry, and stayed with me.  Julie’s mother and father were coming to collect them and bring them back to their house.  Julie and Andrew rented a furnished house, so there wasn’t much of importance to leave behind.  When Amy and Jake were settled in that first night, Julie suddenly started to cry.  “You know I love him Bernie.  He’s wonderful when he’s not drinking and has always treated Jake like his own”.  I moved my chair closer and put my hand on Julie’s arm.  She sobbed for a while without saying anything.  “It’s my fault that Jake fell down the stairs” she said.  “No it’s not Julie” I said, “you were trying to protect your son”.

Andrew had been in and out of work for the last twelve months.  He was often in a bad mood when Julie came home from work, after collecting Jake from the babysitter.  He complained about her cooking, sometimes throwing his dinner into the sink untouched.  She kept quiet while Jake was around.  By the time Jake was in bed, Andrew was gone out of the house again.  When he returned later, there was a smell of booze that would knock you down.  It even lingered in the house the next morning.  She tried to play along with him, frightened of raising his temper.  He would provoke her, and grab her arm, telling her to sit down, when she tried to leave the room and go to bed.  She made all sorts of excuses for him.  He was different when he was working.  There’s never enough money to go around now.  Somewhere inside her though, she knew that there were lots of people in the same situation, living from week to week.  Their husbands didn’t behave like him.  Sometimes she would shout back at him, then think of the neighbours.  She felt so ashamed.  She didn’t want anyone to know what was going on, least of all her parents. They thought he was such a charming lad. Everyone did. They didn’t even know he was out of work.

I was glad I hadn’t left my telephone number with Julie’s neighbor.  Andrew couldn’t trace me. He wouldn’t get a good reception at her parent’s house, now that the truth was out.  Mind you, he thought he was the golden boy, so would get a surprise if he did turn up at their house.  Julie’s parents arrived the following day.  She ran out to them, and her small frame was almost invisible when they hugged her between them.  Jake ran out to the gate, and arms embraced him too.  They all had tea in the kitchen, and I made some sandwiches to keep them going on their return journey.  Amy was amusing Jake on the mat near the back door, warm where the sun was streaming through.  Their cat was pawing the glass on the outside, asking to be let in.  “My daddy hates cats, says they’re dirty” said Jake, looking up at his mother.  She smiled at him, but no one commented.  My heart sank for the little boy.  He was too young to understand what was going on.  Maybe it was as well.

By the time Derek came back from the country, things looked back to normal.  “Jake and his mum stayed with us” Amy said to her dad, after she gave him a big hug.  Derek looked over Amy’s head, his eyebrows knitting together.  “It’s a long story, love.  Dinner’s nearly ready. We’ll talk later.