It’s a quiet pub these days, especially during the week.  Picks up a bit at the weekend, but everyone seems to be feeling the pinch.  It’s a bit off the beaten track.  They could do with improving the décor if they wanted to attract punters.  The brown floral carpet must have been down since the 70’s.  Old Pat Burke could do with spending a bit of cash on the place.  The walls are yellow from smoke.  It could do with a lick of paint. I wouldn’t bring a girl to this place, even if I had one.

It’s all the same to me.  I get paid whether the bar is full or empty.  I have to listen to himself telling me how hard it is for him to keep the doors open.  He can still drive around in his BMW and have his holiday in the sun every year.  What he pays me barely keeps a roof over my head, never mind food on the table.  The student grant and a few quid from my folks keeps me afloat.  I’d never manage if I had mouths to feed, like poor old Michael, with a wife and a two kiddies.  He lost his job a few months back and practically begged to get this one.  Poor sod.

There’s a few oldies that come in regularly.  Sit over a pint like they’ve no home to go to.  You get a few couples at weekends.  Sit staring around or into their glass, hardly a word between them.  There’s a dart board in the other bar.  You’ll get a few lads there at the weekend.  Some watching the television, Match of the Day.  Others putting bets on who’ll win the darts. Mostly quiet until someone scores a bulls-eye, or near enough to it, or a roar when a goal is scored.

There’s a couple who come in every Friday, usually around six thirty from the nearby office block. They look like office types.  They always sit in the alcove just inside the door.  He looks a decent enough sort.  Navy coat over a dark suit. Always has a tartan scarf around his neck.  There’s nicotine stains on two fingers of his right hand.  Kathy, that’s her name.  I heard him ask her if she wanted crisps one time.  She drinks vodka and coke.  He has a beer, half one, every time.  She wears a wedding ring.  I’ve watched them while I’m drying the glasses.  I don’t stare, but there’s a clock just above where they sit.  Why it was put in that corner God only knows.  She has dark wavy hair to her shoulders.  The light above them gives it a shine.   The red lipstick makes her face look pale.  She always wears the same grey coat and white woollen scarf.  When she takes it off, her face seems to lift.  Maybe it’s the bright colours she wears under the coat, or coming in from the night air.  He walks straight to the bar and orders the drinks.  Then they draw closer and hold hands.  He seems to do most of the talking, and she most of the smiling.  They’ve been coming in for a good while now.

Weeks pass and the regulars come and go.  It seems to get quieter by the week.  Maybe the bad weather is keeping people away.  He came in last week, but no sign of the girl.  He’s early tonight. That’s unusual. I can hear the six o’clock bell strike from St. Martin’s.  The door opens just after six, and in she steps, wearing dark shades.  He stands up and tries to help her off with her coat, but she holds on to it tightly. Their faces are close together. His hand goes gently towards her dark glasses, but she pushes him away.  I go to their table to see if he wants to order.  Neither of them notice me, so I walk away.  “I can’t stay” I hear her say, her voice quivering.   “He knows.  I can’t meet you anymore.  I’m really sorry”.  With that, she kisses him on the cheek and she’s gone.  For a moment he sits there, stunned.  Then he puts one arm through the sleeve of his coat as he heads for the door, leaving his cigarettes behind him on the table.

In the few minutes it took him to follow her outside, she’s nowhere to be seen.  It’s as if she’s disappeared into the shadows.  She had become part of his life, his reason for getting up in the morning.  He can’t bear the thought of going back home.  His elderly mother watching the television, waiting for him.  She’d have twenty questions, and he’d have twenty lies ready.  Tonight he wasn’t in the mood to answer any of them.

Kathy was the only daughter with two older brothers, Padraig and John.  She had the dark features of her father, and long black hair often worn in a ponytail.  After leaving the convent school, she went to Dublin for a while and did a secretarial course, but she missed the rolling hills and lakes which surrounded her home in Leitrim. The young people were leaving the area in droves.  She didn’t want to be one of them.  After getting her qualifications at the secretarial college, she returned home.  It was early Spring.  Kathy helped around the house most mornings, then usually took her pony and cantered through the meadows for a few hours.  Sometimes she sat by the lake, her chestnut horse “Honey” grazing under the shade of the trees .  She was an outward going person, but loved the solitude of the countryside and took photos of the changing seasons.  She could hear the crickets in the grass, and birds singing their little songs in the branches overhead. Today the lake was flat and clear, with little bubbles appearing here and there.  The sun cast shadows of silver ribbons in all directions.  A small rowing boat came into view. Kathy took the camera from her rucksack. There was someone sitting in the boat, a hat covering his head.  He was fishing, but her lens couldn’t distinguish who it was.  She also took a photograph of Honey as he moved to the lake for a drink, his silhouette perfect against the water and blue sky.  She lay back on the grass, hands behind her head, and thought how lucky she was to be in this beautiful place.

Kathy knew change was coming.  She had to make her way in the world.  She couldn’t depend on her parents forever.  Certainly no eligible farmer had caught her eye so far.  If she went to England for a while, it was only a few hours flying time from home. Her friend Angela, whom she’d known from school, was home on holidays.  Kathy arranged to meet her for coffee at “Snacks” in town, just over the bridge. “Hi Kathy” said the owner, Mary Lenihan, as she entered the café.  “How’s all the family?  Haven’t seen you for a while” prompting Kathy for some news.  “All grand, thanks Mary” said Kathy, looking around for Angela.  “She’s over by the window” said Mary, disappointed at Kathy’s short answer.  Angela stood up and gave Kathy a hug, as Mary approached to take their order.  “I suppose you’ll be the next one to leave us” Mary said, addressing Kathy.  They ordered coffee and a sandwich. Mary retreated as she wasn’t getting much news from these two.  Their heads were bent together, talking and laughing like old times. Angela gave a great account of how she was doing in London.  When they left the café, Angela pushed her bike along the path beside Kathy. They arranged to meet for a night out before Angela returned to London.  They had talked about Kathy going over later in the year.   “You could stay with us if you decided to come over.  “There’s plenty of room” she said with a grin.

After Angela went back, Kathy decided she would give London a try. Her parents wouldn’t stand in her way, though she knew it was a big wrench, especially for her mother.  It didn’t have to be permanent.  The few weeks flew in and it was time to leave. When she reached the station, she was having second thoughts about going at all.  She stood with her case, her mother and brothers by her side.  It had been an emotional farewell with her father. The whistle blew.  She threw her arms around her mother. Her brothers squeezed the breath out of her.   “Look after Honey for me” she said to Padraig, the eldest brother.  She waved to them until they disappeared out of sight. The fields and towns rushed by.  Finally the train journey was over, and she got the bus to the airport.  As the plane took off, she watched the coastline disappear. Her heart was breaking.  When she arrived at Heathrow, she felt a chill as she crossed the tarmac.  Kathy followed the crowd to the carousel to collect her case, and walked into the Arrivals Department.   Angela and another girl were waving to her.  She forced a smile and waved back as she walked towards them.

The flat she shared with Angela and two sisters, Pat and Eileen, was in a Victorian house near Bayswater.  The rooms were large with high ceilings and they shared the garden with a young married couple from upstairs. Kathy moved into Angela’s room. It only took a few days to feel comfortable with them all.  The first day Angela took Kathy around to get her bearings, and then to an agency to register for a job.  She couldn’t believe how quickly she got an interview and started the following week as assistant secretary in a trade association.  She wrote home to say how well she was getting on at work and with the girls. She never mentioned the pangs of homesickness she felt.  Her boss was from Cork and had been in England for over twenty years.  He was very encouraging and sometimes they chatted about ‘home’ which she found comforting.  “It takes a while to get used to the place”, her boss told her,” but there’s plenty of opportunities here if you work hard”.  He had a wife and two children and lived in a semi in Romford, on the outskirts of London.

The first weekend, and almost every Saturday night after that, the girls got themselves dressed up and went dancing.  Most week days after work, they shared cooking and talked about the kind of day they’d had.  It was easy to be with them as they shared the chores and the shopping.  They played records or listened to the radio.  It was 1975.  Rod Stewart’s “Sailing” was in the charts at the time and played constantly on the radio.  On the outside she was ‘funny girl’ but her heart still wanted to be ‘home again, cross the sea’.

It was December and the girls were making plans for Christmas.  Angela was going to her sister’s in Scotland, along with her parents and brother.  Pat and Eileen were going home to Kerry.  Kathy had already booked her flight, and bought presents for her family and the girls in the flat.  They all had a big night out on the last Saturday before Christmas.  She took photographs in the restaurant and a waitress obliged them by taking one of the four girls’ together, happy smiles, with arms around each other.

Padraig was at the airport to meet her.  She dropped her case and ran towards him.  In the car, Kathy relaxed into her seat, talking non-stop about all that had been going on in her life in London.  “You’ve picked up a bit of an accent”, her brother said, joking.  “No I haven’t” she said with a frown.  She looked over at him.  She thought she could detect something in his expression.  “Is everything alright at home Padraig” she asked.  “Ma’s in hospital. She had a stroke”.  “What!  Why didn’t someone tell me, you could have phoned me at work!”  “There was no time, Kathy.  There was so much going on and we knew you were coming home anyway”.  “How is she now?” asked Kathy.  “We’re told it will take time.  Da’s in bits.  Between visiting the hospital and working around the place, he’s worn out”.  For the last half hour of their journey, they fell into silence.  The wipers swished back and forth and in the darkness, the headlights cutting through the lashing rain.

The next few days were spent with hospital visits and helping out around the farm.  It began to dawn on Kathy that she would not be returning to London.  Her mother arrived home and took up most of Kathy’s time trying to nurse her.  They were all praying that she would return to her old self, but it looked less likely as the days went by.  One day in the second week, their mother was particularly bad and agitated.  The doctor was called.  Instead of Doctor O’Driscoll, a young doctor by the name of Kevin Delaney called.  He was new to the district.  As he took his hat and coat off, Kathy noticed his lean features. He was handsome in a boyish kind of way.   She was making him a cup of tea after settling her mother, and they got talking.  He told her he loved fishing when he got the time, and weather permitting.  “I sometimes go out on the lake in an old boat Doctor O’Driscoll has at the bottom of his garden.  It’s so peaceful out there.” He said.  “Do you ever fish near Maxwells old house?”  Kathy asked.  “Yes, I think you can see their house through the trees.  It’s a whitewashed two story, isn’t it?  They keep horses I think“. “Do you ride?” Katy asked.  He smiled at her and said “No, but there’s a first time for everything”.

Padraig and John had cut a big fir tree and brought it into the house.  Kathy put the lights on the tree, and the decorations. It shone like a beacon from the window, when darkness fell.  She put the rest of the decorations around their big kitchen.  A crib her father had made years ago was placed on the mantelpiece, surrounded by holly.  She made a wreath, entwining red ribbon through it and attached it to the front door. Presents for the family were placed beneath the tree.  With the glow from the fireplace and a red Christmas candle in its container on the table, the kitchen was as she always remembered as a child.  This Christmas wouldn’t be the same though.  Her mother wouldn’t be in a flurry shopping and cooking as she did in previous years.  Kathy never imagined her mother getting old.  As she sat by her bed the night before Christmas, she prayed to God that her mother would get better.  Her father and her brothers took it in turns to sit with her, even while she slept.  Kathy cooked the Christmas dinner.  In spite of the feast, the celebrations were very low key.

Over the Christmas, friends and neighbours called in to see how Kathy’s mother was.  She spent a lot of time in bed, but in the evenings Kathy’s father carried his wife up to a chair by the fire.  One evening Kathy was showing her mother some photographs she had taken while she was in London, explaining who everyone was.  Included were a few taken before she had left.  The photos were passed to Padraig and her father, sitting on the other side of the fire-place.  “For all the time he spends on that boat, I don’t think Kevin Delaney has caught a sprat” said Padraig with a grin.  “Let me see!” said Kathy as she took the photograph from him. “Is that him, Padraig?”   She was looking at the photograph she had taken of the boat on the lake before going to London.  “Who’d sit for hours in a boat without catching anything decent” said Padraig.  “He must be waiting for the fish to hop in beside him!”. “He often enquires after you Kathy” said their father, with a smile.  “He was asking if you’ll be going back to London”. Her father was curious to see Kathy’s reaction.  “There might be a job going at the surgery” he said.  “I hear Mrs. O’Shea is retiring”.  Kathy looked at her father.  She knew he would love her to stay.  She thought she saw a fleeting smile on her mother’s face.  “He’s the only eligible bachelor around here Kathy.  He’d be a good catch” said her father, with a grin.  In spite of herself, Kathy thought the idea not entirely disagreeable.

The weather turned bleak after Christmas.  Kathy wrote to Angela and to her boss explaining the situation at home and told them she would be unable to return to London.   Her mother, after another attack, deteriorated rapidly.  On a cold February morning, the family attended her funeral.  There was a mist hanging over the graveyard as people gathered from miles around to comfort and support the grieving family.  Kathy shook hands as people came up to offer their sympathy.  Her father seemed to have aged overnight as he stood, head bent, the drizzle and cold seeping into his bones.  His sons, looking pale in their black suits, shielded him as best they could with umbrellas.  Kathy took his arm and led him back to the car, her hollow eyes hardly noticing who approached her.

Although their mother had been sick and inactive for a good while, the house seemed desolate without her.  Kathy took over cooking and cleaning.  Her brothers did what needed to be done around the farm.  Her father wanted to do his share, though he hardly had the energy.  He sat near the fire a lot of the time, and every evening, deep in his thoughts.

Spring turned to summer.  With the bright mornings and longer evenings, some sort of vitality returned to the family.  The hay had to be saved.  Turf had to be cut.  Kathy took Honey out and lost herself riding through the fields.  Sometimes she stopped and put her arm around his neck. She often talked to him, or cried into his golden mane.  Her family were never very good at sharing their ‘feelings’, except her mother. Now there was no one.

She crossed the fields and decided to take the road back to the house.  She was just about to cross the bridge.  Suddenly, Honey reared as a car appeared in front of them.  Kathy came off her horse, but managed to regain her balance and hold on to the reins.  “What the hell at you doing” she shouted at the driver.  “Surely you could see us coming down the road”.  It was a steep incline.  She couldn’t see around the bridge, but an approaching vehicle would see what was up the hill ahead of them. The driver got out of his car and started to apologise.  He took his hat off and she realised it was Kevin Delaney.  “Are you alright Kathy” he said.  “No thanks to you I am” she said with an edge to her voice.  “Look where you’re going the next time” she said, as she mounted Honey and sped off, leaving a cloud of dust behind her.

“I think I’ve sprained my ankle” she said to her father the next day.  She was limping while she was getting breakfast for everyone.  “Sit down Kathy, we’re all big and ugly enough to get our own breakfast”. She tried to protest, but he pulled a chair out and made her sit at the table.  Kathy hadn’t said anything about the run-in with Kevin Delaney the previous day.  “It will be grand tomorrow” she said, “I must have twisted it somehow”.  The next day it was the same.  Her father took matters into his own hands, and got the doctor to come out to the house.  Kathy was mortified when, on hearing the dog bark, she saw Kevin Delaney’s car coming through the open gate.  “Dad, you haven’t called the doctor?” she said.  “Sit quiet Kathy.  He’ll take a look at the foot and make sure nothings broken”.  When Kevin Delaney entered the kitchen, he blushed slightly when he saw Kathy.  “How is our patient today” he said, trying to sound detached.  He sat opposite her, and asked her to lift her foot.  She couldn’t meet his eyes.  His hands gently pressed down on her foot, then her toes.  “Does that hurt” he said.  “Of course it hurts” she snapped, looking up at her father.  “You must have twisted your foot when you came off your horse the other day” Kevin Delaney said.  “You fell off your horse?” her father said.  “Why didn’t you tell us?”  “It was my fault Mr. Shanahan” said the doctor.  Kathy had to explain as her father was totally bewildered, but this time she wasn’t entirely blaming the young doctor.

Kevin Delaney assured Kathy there was nothing broken.  He bandaged her foot and told her to rest it.  He said he would call out the next day to see how she was.   He called out a few times that week.  Kathy thought his visits were unnecessary. Kevin Delaney’s excuse was that he was passing the house anyway. The weeks went by and she was soon back on her feet and doing what she could around the house and farm.  The good weather got her back on her horse, enjoying the meadows and valleys.  The countryside was at its most beautiful, lush and abundant.  The fields, every shade of green, stretched out in front of her.  Cattle and sheep looked motionless and tranquil.   Sometimes she stayed out long enough to take photographs of the sun setting over the hills, colours of blue, yellow, pink and crimson.  This was why this place would always draw her back.

Padraig was out in the fields most days working around the farm.  John, the youngest brother, had decided to do an agricultural course and was away all week. Padraig had the running of the farm now, trying to spare their father the hard work.  Never one to be idle, her father milked the cows and feed had to be brought in.  Kathy and her father went to town once a week to get groceries, and whatever else was needed.  They would stop for lunch at the Central Hotel, which was something he once shared with his wife.  It was a day out for them.  People stopped to talk, or came over enquiring how they were. Kathy always lit a candle in the church and she knelt with her father for a while.  They called into the surgery to get a prescription for her father’s blood pressure before heading home.  Kevin Delaney was speaking to a patient in reception.  When he saw Kathy and her father, he waved them to a seat, a broad smile on his face.  “I’m just here for a prescription, when you have a moment” her father said, as they took a seat.  “Come in and I’ll take your blood pressure” Kevin Delaney said, when his patient left.  “Where’s Mrs. O’Shea?” asked her father.  Kathy remained in the reception area.  “She’s just out for coffee, but she will be retiring in a week or two.  Hanging on as I haven’t a replacement yet”.  After a pause he said “What is Kathy doing these day”?  “Ah, just keeping things ticking over on the farm.  She misses her mother terribly, as we all do” her father replied.  Kevin Delaney looked down at his watch.  “I’m due out on a call Mr. Shanahan.  Would Kathy be interested in working for me?  “Why don’t you ask her yourself doctor, no time like the present”.  Kathy’s father rolled down his sleeve and put his jacket on.  Kevin Delaney opened the door and seemed to take a deep breath.  Kathy stood up as they were about to leave.  “Kathy” Kevin Delaney said.  “I’ll be needing a receptionist in the next few weeks.  Is there any chance you’d consider the position. You’d be doing me a huge favour”. He looked at Kathy’s father for a moment, uncertain, waiting for Kathy to respond.  “Think about it and give me a ring”.  “There”, thought Kevin Delaney,” it’s up to Kathy now”.  Kathy’s father left the surgery smiling to himself.

It was coming towards the end of summer.  There was a chill in the evenings.  Soon the trees at the front of the house would be shedding their leaves.  Kathy had started work and looked forward to each day.  She used her mother’s old car to get in and out of town.  Once a week, Kathy’s father joined her and had lunch with his daughter.  If he was free, Kevin Delaney joined them for coffee.  Mrs. O’Shea had stayed on a week to show Kathy the ropes.  Doctor O’Driscoll still had his own patients, though he was semi-retired now.  Kathy was good at her job, and enjoyed hearing the latest gossip and meeting the characters who came through the door.  Word was getting around about the new doctor and the practice was expanding.

John, Kathy’s youngest brother, decided it was time to get married.  He had been going out with Anne for about four years.  They would build a house on his father’s land.  In early Spring of the following year, when the daffodils and snowdrops danced in the garden, John and Anne walked down the aisle. Friends and family gathered in the Central Hotel, and later sang and danced until the early hours.  Kathy invited Kevin Delaney, but kept close to her father, knowing how much he missed his wife.  It seemed cruel that she was not present to see her first child married. “Ah, she’s here alright” Kathy’s father said, taking Kathy for their first dance. The bride and groom spent their honeymoon in Malta and returned to see the foundations laid for their new home.  Anne moved in with the family while the work was going on.  Kathy was glad of her company, though she still missed her mother’s presence in the house.

Towards the middle of May, the weather turned very severe.  Hail and rain battered the car on her way home from the surgery.  As she turned off the main road, she swerved to avoid a stray cow, ploughing into a ditch.  She woke up in the local hospital, her father and brothers by her side.  “We thought we’d lost you Kathy, her father said, kissing her hand.  “Thank God it’s only a broken bone in your leg, and a few scrapes and bruises”.  Kevin Delaney called in every day. After a week she was discharged, and he insisted on driving her home.  Her leg was in plaster and she was on crutches.  “Won’t be dancing for a while” she said, as he helped her into the house.  “You’ll stay put for the next six weeks, and that’s an order” he said. Kathy was surprised at his authority.  “Mrs. O’Shea will take over until you’re well again”.

“You don’t have to come out so often Kevin” Kathy said after a few weeks of Kevin Delaney’s visits.  “You’ve enough to be doing with real patients”.  “You can’t get rid of me that easily Kathy Shanahan” he replied.  Kathy cast a look in her father’s direction, who was standing in front of the fire.  He smiled over at his daughter, and gave her a knowing wink!