It was nearly midnight.  My head was beginning to throb. It was the 21^st birthday partyof my friend Nancy’s daughter, Amanda. I said goodbye to her parents, then to Amanda. “Thank you for inviting me to your party, Amanda, it was a great night”. ‘‘So good of you to come Alice’ she said and kissed me on the cheek. My bones creaked from sitting so long.   “Ah, you’re not going yet”, Nancy said.  “It’s been a lovely night Nancy. Amanda looks gorgeous.  Steve seems a nice lad”. Steve was Amanda’s latest boyfriend.   I thought he was a fright, spent most of the night propping up the bar.  Nancy had raved about him, his great job, well to do family. That was Nancy.

I booked a taxi at Reception. I caught a whiff of the fragrant lilies amongst the centre-piece which stood on a shiny marble table. Very elegant, I thought. Nancy stood beside me and out of the corner of my eye I could see her giving me the once over.  “Love your coat, Alice”, she said “Where did you get it?”  “A shop in Dundrum” I replied, “in the sale”.  “I bought a fabulous leather coat last week” she said “Must show it to you next time I see you”.  Why did I have to say in a sale? I thought.

The DJ was playing 60s music. Couldn’t keep my foot still. When Abba’s ‘Dancing Queen’ came on, they all headed for the dance-floor.  “Come on” I was told.  “I’ll join you in a minute” I said. I made my way to the bar. “Harp please”.  I turned to look around me as I was waiting.  The boyfriend was no where to be seen, but Amanda and her pals were dancing their socks off. She caught my eye and smiled, waving for me to join them.  I waved back and mouthed “in a minute”.  Why in God’s name did I come here on my own. I should have asked a friend to come. I should have made my excuses and sent the present. Could I have happily sat there and enjoyed the music and watched the dancing all night? Some couples sat in silence. Were they bored or just comfortable in their silence? I tried to pretend I was abroad and didn’t care.  No one would notice me. The night dragged on.  The road up to the hotel had been pitch black.  I had been scared witless when I got off the bus.  I just kept concentrating on the halo of light from the hotel, as the darkness and trees closed in on me.  Then having to walk in on my own, and scan the crowd for a familiar face. 

“Come on girl, shake a leg!”  I turned, and to my horror, a man who looked familiar but from God knows where, was swaying in front of me.  His face was sweaty and he had a drink in his hand.  He left his glass down, grabbed my arm and pulled me on to the dance-floor.  I moved around, until I had distanced myself from yer man.  He didn’t seem to notice. I began to get into the swing of things.  After a while, the DJ announced he was taking a break. People made their way to their tables or the bar. Heads were bent in conversation, laughter rang out here and there, or voices were struggling to be heard across tables. Groups of young people stayed talking on the dance-floor.  I chatted to a woman beside me for a while, then just looked around me, wishing I was somewhere else. I glanced at my watch a few times.  It was time to go.

Josephine Nolan